the worst way for friendships to end is for literally nothing to go wrong, you just stop talking. they stop messaging you to see how youre doing and you get sick of being the first one to initiate conversation so you just let the friendship go and wonder how that person is doing and never hear from them again
So, I acknowledge that the internet is one of the largest ways to make friends, and is in fact becoming a space where the majority of a person’s friendships are internet-based. Most of my closest friends I met off the internet.
But stop using your friends as crutches for your insecurity and inability to validate your own self-worth.
FRIENDSHIPS ARE NOT DETERMINED BY HOW MUCH TIME YOU DO OR DO NOT SPEND WITH THAT PERSON.
I have friends on this tumblr RIGHT NOW who I rarely speak to now a days, but they are my friends and I love them and if someone fucked with them I would be on that ass in a heartbeat. I love them for who they are and I treasure and value the times we’ve spent together. But people do drift apart for whatever reason. Not always but it does happen and that is not a bad thing NOR IS IT A FAILURE ON YOUR PART AS A FRIEND. STOP MAKING THINGS IN THEIR LIFE ABOUT YOU.
I have friends from waaaay back in my early RP days, twelve or thirteen years ago, that I have not spoken to in years. But I can promise you if we did have a chat, it’d be as if we had just spoken yesterday. Because friendships are about how you feel about one another, not about how much you jabber at each other.
If your automatic assumption that a friend no longer likes you because you aren’t talking as much as you used to, that is you pushing your negative thoughts on their actions. There could be any number of reasons why friends just sort of drift apart, but it’s only the end of a friendship if you allow it to be.
If you have so little faith in people caring about you, if you need constant validation in order to feel like you even have a friendship, no shit you’re going to feel miserable. If you’re going to have such strict requirements for maintaining a friendship, you are going to be very unhappy, because drifting apart just happens and it’s rarely ever because of a fault on your end.
Seriously internet, stop playing these “Well let’s see how long it takes them to talk to me and if they don’t then they obviously don’t care” games on people. Stop testing your friendships and believe in them and in your own self-worth. The bonds of friendship go beyond the physical and beyond constant contact and attention. It is and should be something much deeper, and if you can’t see that because you’re playing psychic chicken with them then I’m sorry.
The reason I say this is because I have been blindsided on multiple occasions this year by this same shit, and I lost three friends because of it. I was tested in order to ‘prove’ that I cared about them and that’s awful. Don’t do that to people. And since I had no idea what was going on, nor did I know there was some sort of hidden meaning behind their actions, I did not react the way they wanted. Suddenly I’m being hit by long winded messages about how they’ve been feeling miserable for months on end while I thought everything was fine. They’d built up all of these negative thoughts surrounding what they believed were the inspiration behind my actions and none of them were true. I was lost and really frustrated because I can’t deal with something if I don’t even know what’s wrong until it’s blowing up in my face. That these people believed I should know, or that it was so obvious, is ridiculous. It’s obvious to them because they’re the ones stewing in their negative emotions and convincing themselves that’s the reality.
Don’t get it twisted, I’ve been on the other side of the fence, and almost lost my childhood best friend because of it. Because I wanted her to validate my existence and soothe my fears. Because I had grown up believing that people just tolerated me, and that they were my friends out of pity (yes, this is something I was told and it stuck with me for a long time). But do you see a trend? Me. My. I wanted. I needed. Where in there was consideration for my friend? Her life and what she was going through? Her own doubts and insecurities? How could I call myself her friend if all I cared about was what I wanted her to bring to me?
Good lord, THIS.
Is it so hard to believe that quiet people exist? That my not-talking is somehow a reflection on my friendship with you?
This isn’t the Sims where a relationship decays every day you go without talking!